Department of Funny Things My Dad Says

About

Welcome to the Department of Funny Things My Dad Says at the esteemed College of Example, where academic rigor meets dad-level humor. Here, we specialize in decoding cryptic dad sayings like “Don’t make me pull this car over!” (Translation: He’s probably lost in thought, not actually angry) and “Back in my day, we didn’t have… Wi-Fi” (which, honestly, sounds like a 10-minute TED Talk about how tough things were in 1998). Our groundbreaking research aims to unlock the hidden meanings behind statements such as, “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right” and “It’s fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine” (spoiler: it’s not). Whether you’re a student or just a fan of dad-isms, our department is here to make you question everything, especially your dad’s collection of embarrassing jokes.  

Special Requirements and Information

To enroll in the Department of Funny Things My Dad Says, prospective students must meet a few very specific requirements. First, you must have a minimum of 37 years of exposure to dad jokes. Any less, and your comedic immune system might not be strong enough to handle the extensive groan-worthy material we cover. Second, all applicants must be proficient in translating “random garage mutterings” into coherent sentences. If you can’t tell the difference between “I swear, this car used to run like a dream” and “I’ll fix it later when I have time”-you might want to reconsider.

Additionally, applicants should demonstrate the ability to roll their eyes without physically injuring themselves (as dad jokes can occasionally cause eye strain). A 10-minute presentation of your best dad-like “dadisms” is required, with bonus points for delivering them in a tone that can only be described as completely deadpan while wearing socks with sandals.

Lastly, all students must agree to attend at least one “Family BBQ Simulation” every semester, where they’ll be expected to respond to the eternal question: “Are you still dating that person? When’s the wedding?” with a laugh and a well-timed shrug.

Degree Options

Undergraduate Degrees

Bachelor of Science

• Dad Joke Engineering, B.S.
• Sarcastic Parenting, B.S.

Minors options:

• Procrastination Studies
• Dad Fashion
• Unsolicted Life Advice
• Lawn Care and Lawn Chair Diplomacy
• Classic Car Conversation

Undergraduate Certificates:

• Weather
• Tourists

Graduate Degrees

Master of Science

• Dad Wisdom & Personal Anecdote Mastery, M.S.

Doctor of Philosophy

• Advanced Dadism and Humor Theory, Ph.D.

Internships and Assistantships

At the Department of Funny Things My Dad Says, we firmly believe that hands-on experience is the best way to truly understand dad humor. So, we’ve partnered with various high-profile organizations (read: your dad’s buddy who owns a BBQ joint and your aunt who can’t stop offering unsolicited relationship advice) to provide students with unique, one-of-a-kind internship and assistantship opportunities. Here’s a glimpse into the programs available:

Internships:

Dad Joke Content Creator Intern
Join the team behind Dad Jokes Daily, where your sole responsibility is to curate and create cringe-worthy, yet somehow still funny, dad jokes for social media. Interns will learn the art of creating viral content that sparks joy (and eye-rolls) across the internet. Expect to work closely with the team to produce the perfect “Dad Joke of the Day” series, and be ready to present your findings at the “Cringe Con” every semester.

Lawn Care Consultant Intern
Ever wondered how your dad gets the lawn so green without actually using any modern technology? Interns will spend a summer working with Lawn King Enterprises, a small but mighty company that specializes in explaining, in painstaking detail, the benefits of manual lawnmowers, fertilizing “by hand”, and the mysterious power of garden gnomes. Get ready for regular training sessions with “Dad,” who’ll show you how to fix every lawnmower under the sun… but only after he tells you a 20-minute story about his old mower back in the ‘80s.

BBQ Grill Master Apprentice
This internship is for students who dream of learning the sacred art of standing in front of a grill and flipping burgers while offering advice on “How to Smoke Meat Properly” without ever actually being a certified expert. Students will intern with “Smokin’ Joe’s Backyard BBQ” and get hands-on experience with every dad’s favorite pastime: low and slow cooking while making endless dad jokes about the ‘secret sauce’ (which is just ketchup and mustard). Perfect for those with a strong stomach and a passion for grilling while wearing an old T-shirt that’s somehow too tight.

Parenting Advice Hotline Intern
For students who really want to dive into the world of unsolicited advice, this internship will pair you with a team of experts who specialize in offering “life-changing wisdom” to young couples and their endless questions. Interns will monitor the Parenting Help Line to answer questions like, “What’s the best way to get my kid to eat vegetables?” and “Should I really let them watch TV on school nights?” Students will also contribute to the “Dad’s Weekly Wisdom Bulletin” and perfect the art of saying “When I was your age…” in 13 different ways.

Socks and Sandals Styling Intern
Interns will work with “Gramps Footwear”, a niche retail store dedicated to helping dads of all ages find the perfect pair of socks to wear with their sandals. The role includes conducting style surveys on Which Socks Match Best with Brown Sandals? and How to Look ‘Effortlessly Stylish’ While Eating Potato Salad. Expect to attend focus groups, where you’ll be asked to critique dad outfits that may or may not feature plaid shirts and cargo shorts. By the end of this internship, you’ll be able to style any dad, anywhere, with total confidence.

Assistantships:

Assistant to the Department Chair of Procrastination Studies
Are you the kind of student who consistently does things last minute, yet somehow gets it done? Perfect! This assistantship involves helping the Department Chair with tasks like: drafting lecture notes that may or may not get done, conducting “emergency” meetings right before deadlines, and organizing last-minute class party planning (because honestly, who has time to plan ahead?). You’ll also assist in the highly competitive task of grading last-minute essays on “How to Really Avoid Doing the Dishes” while subtly teaching students the true art of procrastination-without anyone noticing.

Dad Fashion Assistant
Work closely with the Department’s Dad Fashion Historian, who specializes in the uncharted territory of plaid, khaki, and neon green windbreakers. As a fashion assistant, you’ll help source the latest in “dad trends,” from vintage fanny packs to the elusive “matching socks and sandals” combo. Expect to help design an upcoming runway show titled “How to Look Like You Don’t Care, But Really Do.” You’ll also catalog Dad Fashion Monthly, ensuring the latest trends (like “V-neck T-shirts that are too big but somehow work”) are covered.

Master of Sarcasm Teaching Assistant
As a teaching assistant in this high-level program, you’ll support the professor in delivering lectures on how to make even the simplest statements sound like a personal attack. Tasks include helping students perfect the delivery of lines like, “Oh, sure, I’ll do that right after I finish whatever I’m currently doing” and guiding them through the art of mastering the deadpan face (which can be a challenge for anyone still in their early 20s). You’ll also assist in grading assignments that involve long, convoluted stories about why “you really shouldn’t have to ask for help with something this easy” and “It’s not that hard, just do it!”

Dad Joke Research Assistant
As the research assistant in this highly specialized program, you’ll work directly with the Department’s lead humor researcher to collect data on the impact of dad jokes on social dynamics. This includes interviewing parents, gathering highly valuable anecdotal evidence, and categorizing dad jokes based on complexity and cringe-factor. Don’t be surprised if your research involves attending family gatherings to test hypotheses like: “Can the same dad joke be told at a birthday party, a holiday dinner, and a work event with similar results?” Your findings could have a major impact on our understanding of dad humor in social settings!

Graduate Degree Programs Information

After completing your internship or assistantship, you’ll be well-positioned to dive deeper into the world of Dadism through our exclusive Graduate Degree programs. The Master of Dad Humor (M.D.H.) is perfect for those looking to take their career to the next level, whether it’s creating viral dad joke empires, becoming the official “dad joke consultant” for Fortune 500 companies, or even leading your own Dad Joke Academy. With courses like “Advanced Sarcasm Techniques” and “Cultural Impact of Dad Humor Across Generations,” you’ll learn how to make everyone in the room groan and laugh simultaneously.

For those truly dedicated to advancing the science of dad wisdom, the Doctorate in Dadism and Parental Influence (D.D.P.I.) offers the ultimate career path. This rigorous program prepares you to become a thought leader in the field of family dynamics, offering groundbreaking insights into why dads always need to tell the same five stories, and how their endless wisdom (mostly unsolicited) shapes the very fabric of society. Graduates of the D.D.P.I. program are often recruited for high-profile roles as family consultants, professional BBQ influencers, or even as hosts of popular reality TV shows like “Dad vs. Technology” or “The Ultimate Dad Joke Showdown”. The future of Dad Science is in your hands-just don’t expect to be taken too seriously while doing it!

Faculty